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THINGS THAT SUCK.

1. WELFARE SUCKS
Sure, you can go all politically correct and such if you want, but welfare doesn't work. It's just an excuse for those bastards who don't work to continue their non-workage, because they don't even have to leave their homes to pick up their cheques now. We're paying the homeless to remain homeless, and paying the lazy to remain lazy. But that's not even the kicker. The kicker is this: they'll just spend all of their money on crack and hookers anyway, and then go to charitable organizations to get free food and money because they're poor and can't afford it. Sure, a welfare cheque isn't a shitload of money to live off, but it's more than enough to afford a month's worth of Campbell's Plankton Soup or whatever from your local 99 cent store. And probably enough to get you some slacks from the Salvation Army, and nice ones too - not the ones in the discard pile that smell like urine. Also, if you're homeless and you're reading this, my thesis is proven, and I hate you. Feel free to hate me back.

2. KIDS SUCK
I don't know what happened to the generation after mine, but I don't much care for it. I, thank you, am firmly entrenched into the whole Gen X culture that seems to follow me every step I take. I listened to Nirvana, I'm outraged that Kurt Cobain is still being pimped for cash, I think that Thom Yorke is a musical genius, and I've had all-night Pink Floyd sessions. Thus, we can equate being a member of my generation to having no taste in music, which is also true. But that's not the point. Despite our blind nonchalance about everything and anything that wasn't us, Kurt Cobain, Mr. T, and Bruce Campbell, we still had some ingrained moral values. Like, don't hurt old people, and don't pick on kids smaller than you. Granted, we broke both of these rules at the nearest opportunity and as often as we possibly could, but the moral value was still there. But I don't think it's there in this crazy Generation Y, otherwise known as the Generation that Generation X Was Too Lazy To Think Up A Halfway Decent Name For.

Example: just the other day I was buying some nice, normal vegetarian snack foods, when an angry mob of skateboard-bearing, punk-rocking twelve year olds smashed through the cash register and transformed into a thirty foot-tall man eating she-bitch just like in Power Rangers. They proceeded to impale the nice seventy-year-old lady at the cash with their millions of pointy tendrils, thus breaking one of the two Rules of Gen X listed above. When they started attacking me, I got really pissed. Luckily I had my A-Team endorsed decoder ring I got in a cereal box in the 80's, and I was able to convert my speech to say something like "Your mother chews anus" in thirty-foot-tall-man-eating-shebitchese. Unfortunately what I actually ended up saying was "please go on a suicidal death-rampage" and the entire city of Tokyo was decimated to pieces. Those bastards didn't even listen to what I was saying.

And I know why these kids are overstepping their goddamned boundaries. Because the new school systems are hawking their great programs to improve self-esteem. and they're working too well, causing the kids to become egotistical little monkeys. Oh, and twelve-year-old girls shouldn't wear enough makeup to put RuPaul to shame. I think that's all I have to bitch and moan about there.

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